The Awakening of Emrys
by Mjstevie
Summary: Merlin has an accident, after which he feels nothing but hate for everyone, no one more so than Arthur. Merlin has retreated below the surface and now Emrys has came out to play. Merlin joins forces with a mysterious sorcerer and they plan to take down Arthur and Camelot together. Will Merlin come to his senses in time? Whump and angst. No slash, dark!Merlin -ON HIATUS-
1. Shattered Hearts and Broken Warlocks

**A/N: Hey guys! I have been considering writing this fic for a while now and was originally going to leave it but the plot bunny came and made a nest in my brain and it seems the only way to appease him and stop him raisin a family in my head is to write this story! This is my first really angsty whumpy thing I have ever written so I hope you all like it. I was all set to come up with a nice humorous thing but instead all this angst and depression came out. Anyways, hope you like it. It is set after season 2 episode 9 'The Lady of the Lake'. Never wrote anything like this before so fingers crossed you all like it! Enjoy chapter 1, Mary xo :)**

_Freya was fading away. Merlin could feel her pulse weakening under his trembling hands. He stared across the lake then back to his beloveds eyes. Merlin held the girl until she drew her last breath then Freya was gone. His Freya, gone forever. He felt the sobs creeping up his throat and the tears began to streak his face._

_Gone, Freya was gone._

_Gone..._

Merlin's eyes snapped open and he sat up. His tears were hot against his face and he was shaking violently. He shook his head quickly, as if trying to shake the memories away but failing miserably. It had been almost two months since Freya's death and the dreams still haunted him. It didn't help that Balinor his father had died two weeks previously.

The warlock sighed and swung his legs out of bed. Judging by the light outside it was just before dawn. The sun was just peeking up behind the hills in the distance, a beautiful sight. The last of the darkness was fading away and the castle was soaked in an eerie light.

Merlin pulled on his faded brown trousers and worn blue tunic. He shoved on his boots before carefully tying his beloved red neckerchief under his pale chin. He knew there was no point in trying to sleep now, after a dream like that.

Slowly, he pushed open the door into the physicians chambers so as not to wake Gaius. He saw the old man lying asleep to his right, mouth slightly open and snoring loudly. Merlin could have laughed if he didn't feel so miserable. He briefly contemplated having some breakfast before deciding he would be alright for now.

This decision was partially because he was still too shaken from his dream and partially because, being Merlin, he would probably drop something and wake Gaius up. Instead he crept quietly over to where his brown jacket was draped over a chair, shrugging on the garment before moving stealthily for the door and walking into the quiet corridor outside.

As Merlin approached the main castle, he could already see some of the other servants bustling around, preparing for the day ahead. He headed for the kitchens and picked up the prince's breakfast before shuffling off in the direction of Arthur's chambers.

Merlin was surprised to find himself playing the perfect servant. He did not eat any of the food, he tidied the room, he gathered the laundry and did everything that was expected of him before the prince even woke up. _Well, _He thought to himself, _It's not like I have anything better to do._

He was just finished collecting all of the dirty clothes when he heard a yawn from the bed behind him. He turned to see Arthur, sitting up amongst the bedsheets. He was studying the young man in a pleasantly surprised yet confused way. "Merlin," He began, frowning sleepily at him.

As much as Merlin _loved_ (_Yeah, when pigs fly, _He thought to himself) chatting with Arthur, he wasn't in the mood this morning, he just wanted to be on his own right now. It was ok to do things before people were up but when he didn't think he could force a smile and make up witty comebacks when he felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He got there before Arthur had a chance to say anything more.

"Sire, if that is all, I will be going now." He walked quickly for the door, not waiting for an answer and only turning round long enough to catch a glimpse of the young prince's slightly baffled and shocked face staring after him.

He felt bad for walking out like with no explanation that but he really couldn't face talking to Arthur or taking his insults. All he could think about was Freya. Lovely Freya, and how he missed her so much. He felt the tears sting his eyes again and he walked faster still. He knew exactly where he was going.

Merlin reached a small, narrow staircase on the far side of the castle and did not hesitate to begin to climb. After he had walked up the seemingly endless flight of steps he found a large wooden door that was lying slightly open and blowing lightly in the breeze that was coming from the other side. He pushed open this door and found himself on a small, stone balcony.

Merlin had begun to come here often, no one came to this part of the castle and it was hidden from anyones view. The balcony was on the left hand side of the castle that overlooked a small street below. Any person that seldom walked below never looked up as the balcony was too small to be easily seen and not very many people knew about it. It was the perfect place for peace and quiet and no one could come to disturb him.

He rested his elbows on the small stone wall and looked out over the forest in the distance. He loved the way the wind blew through him, it made him feel light and free from all the horrors and worries of the past month.

Eventually, after many hours, he sighed and decided it was time to return to his duties. Arthur would definitely have begun to wonder where he had got to. Arthur would no doubt be wondering about his strange behavior this morning and would probably be out searching for him at that moment to get him to polish his armor, clean his boots or what ever other chores he could frustrate his servant with.

Merlin began to walk down the steps before he suddenly began to feel light headed and dizzy. He shrugged it off and put it down to not eating that morning. _I'll just sneak something out of the palace kitchens when I go back to work, _he thought to himself. As he continued down the spiral staircase, another wave of dizziness crashed over the boy but this time he lost his balance.

Merlin swayed to the side and tried to regain his footing. In doing this he tripped over his own two feet and began to hurtle, head first down the stairs. The warlock's eyes flashed gold, his magic desperately trying to break his fall, but to no avail.

His head hit off one of the uneven stones and dark spots danced in his eyes. Merlin tried with all his might to stay awake. By the time the boy rolled off the last step and onto the cold flagstones of the floor below, he had long succumbed to the cold embrace of unconsciousness.

...

Arthur was pacing anxiously back and forth in his chambers. Every step he took made a soft thud on the bare wooden floorboards.

"Where could he have got to? No one has seen the idiot since early this morning and it isn't like him to just randomly run off with no explanation." Arthur was muttering to himself throwing his arms up in exasperation. He was just realizing, now that the words had left his mouth, actually, it was exactly like Merlin to vanish randomly with no proper explanation except for maybe the tavern. It happened quite often actually the more he thought about it.

But this time was different, Arthur knew he had been acting oddly that morning and not even Gaius had any clue of his whereabouts. He couldn't have been in the tavern because, unsurprisingly, Sir Gwaine had been in there all day, getting drunk, and had seen no trace of the bumbling servant.

Some hours later, when Arthur had finally forced himself to get into bed, a maid was walking through the East wing of the castle. For some reason, the girl had taken a detour to her sleeping quarters through this way tonight. She never normally went this route but on this particular night, she felt an urge of curiosity drag her to this part of the castle.

The maid was walking past a corridor when she thought she saw, from the light of her torch, a shoe sticking out from round a corner. Propelled by her intrigue, she walked down the corridor.

As she turned the corner she let out a gasp as she saw a young man lying awkwardly at the foot of the stairs.

A gash on his head was bleeding heavily and he was deathly pale. She immediately recognized him as Prince Arthur's manservant, Merlin, wasn't that his name? She had seen him trudging around after Arthur enough to know who the man was. She also knew, from the gossip of the servants in the kitchens where she worked as a scullery maid, he had ran from the prince's chambers and vanished that morning.

The girl tried to rouse the older boy but when he did not stir she feared the worst. In a state of shock and panic, she ran back into the hallway from which she had just came and screamed for the knights, guards, other servants, anyone who was willing to help her.

...


	2. The Darkness Prevails

Arthur was pacing outside the physicians chambers. It had been hours since the maid, Leila, had alerted one of the passing guards of her discovery- an unconscious Merlin at the bottom of a flight of stairs. The startled guard had helped her bring Merlin to Gaius' chambers, where he still was now.

Gwen had heard about the event almost immediately afterwards from the notorious gossip of the servants in the palace kitchens. She had dropped her work and ran straight to Arthur before the two of them rushed off to see if they could help in any way.

Gaius had only semi opened the door, grave faced and looking older than the prince had ever remembered. The old physician had accepted Gwen's help but had firmly told Arthur to stay outside. When Arthur had protested, he had simply shook his head before ushering Guinevere inside and closing the door, much to the young man's annoyance.

Merlin was _his_ servant and he wanted to see for himself whether his manservant was OK. He wished he could be doing something to help, rather than sit outside being completely useless and helpless. Arthur _hated_ having no control over any situation, when no amount of orders or power could make any difference.

The prince slid down the wall in utter defeat and buried his hands in his golden hair. Eventually his lids closed and he drifted into a light, dreamless sleep. It was almost dawn before the door to Gaius' chambers had open and startled Arthur back to reality.

He looked up, squinting in the early morning light, taking in the sight of Guinevere standing in the doorway, a small smile etched into her features. Suddenly remembering the events of the night, Arthur sprang to his feet. Guinevere took in the dark smudges under his eyes, his tousled hair and crumpled clothes as well as the fact he had been asleep when she had came out of Gaius' room.

"You slept out here didn't you? You were worried." She no so much as questioned as stated. She knew he cared about Merlin, he always had, this observation brought another small to her face.

Arthur looked sheepish for a moment then stretched and answered her, "Well, good servants are hard to come by." Gwen raised her eyebrows in a way Gaius would have been proud of.

"Merlin is not a good servant, as you remind him everyday." Arthur could have growled then, he knew he had been caught out so he decided to change the subject.

"A servant's a servant. How is he?" He asked.

"It could have been worse, he didn't break his neck or crack his skull like Gaius had originally feared but he did take a hard blow to the head and hurt his arm. He's going to be Ok Arthur." She assured the prince, squeezing his arm gently. Arthur could have passed out with relief right there, instead he let out a small laugh.

"If you come back later, he should be awake, you can speak to him then." The maid added. Arthur nodded and turned to head back to his chambers. _Merlin is going to be Ok, everything is going to be alright, _He was telling himself, letting the tidal wave of relief splash over him. _Every thing's going to be Ok._

...

He was burning. It was like every part of him was on fire, blazing with an intense pain that wouldn't go away. He was swimming, in the darkness, that's what it felt like. Every so often he would come close to the surface and voices would drift into his field of hearing. Then he would plunge back down into the depths of blackness.

The burning continued and got worse, he could feel his magic pulsing through his body. The pain was so unbearable now that he tried to scream, but no sound escaped his frozen lips.

Now it felt like his senses were at war. A sudden coldness took over his chest and he almost gasped in shock. The burning was subsiding and being replaced my an empty feeling of pure hatred and anger.

Merlin fought it, he tried with all his might. He tried to hold on to his memories, joys, happiness but they slid through his fingers.

All of the love, compassion and care he had ever shown was melting away and being replaced with hate, emptiness and a hollow lonely feeling.

Everything that had ever made Merlin, Merlin, was leaving him. The bumbling, loyal, loving boy was gone. Instead, something else was there.

One thought ruled all of his mind and feelings. A hate for one man. The man who had taken all he had held dear. The man who had killed his love.

This man was Arthur Pendragon.

He began to near consciousness again, this time breaking through its surface. Magic once again coursed through the warlock's veins. He opened his eyes.

His eyes flickered golden then black before returning to blue. A duller shade than the deep azure that had filled them before but blue all the same.

If someone were to look close enough they would notice that these eyes were empty. They lacked the emotion and care that had once filled the you warlock's face. For one reason.

Merlin was gone and now Emrys had came out to play. He wasn't happy.

**A/N: Soooo... what did you think of chapter 2? Sorry it took me so long to update but I had loads of revision to do for my exams and I have had a little bit of friend drama this past few days (sighs) so I did mean to update- promise! Hopefully I will have the next chapter up with the week but I can't make any promises- I still have to revise. Also sorry this chapter is so short. I'm not entirely happy with it as I tried to make it longer but I couldn't make it work so this is the best I can do for now although I will try and update this chapter soon. Also, if you are read "The Binds of Destiny" I currently have a new chapter in progress and plan to have it up soon but life has been hectic so don't hold me to it.**

**Thanks to my reviewers, favouriters and followers, love you all!**

**Mary xo :)**


	3. Hatred Overwhelmes

_**Previously...**_

_**He began to near consciousness again, this time breaking through its surface. Magic once again coursed through the warlock's veins. He opened his eyes.**_

_**His eyes flickered golden then black before returning to blue. A duller shade than the deep azure that had filled them before but blue all the same.**_

_**If someone were to look close enough they would notice that these eyes were empty. They lacked the emotion and care that had once filled the you warlock's face. For one reason.**_

_**Merlin was gone and now Emrys had came out to play. He wasn't happy.**_

Gwen walked back into the small room, a small smile playing about her lips from finding the crown price of Camelot, slumped outside the doorway waiting for news of his servant's condition, then profusely denying it.

A surprised gasp escaped her lips as she heard a low groan emitting from the slightly open door to Merlin's room. Gwen ran up the steps to see if Merlin had woken up, Gaius had left to deliver some potions to people and had left Morgana's maid to watch the boy. "Merlin." She whispered quietly and saw the boy sitting up and holding his bandaged head, looking at her blankly for a second before recognition flooded his eyes.

"Guinevere, what happened?" The maid couldn't help but feel that there was something different in his voice. A coldness that hadn't been there before. She shrugged it off and placed a confused but happy smile on her face.

"I was rather hoping you could tell me. Don't you remember?" She answered as she carefully sat down on the end of the narrow bed that occupied the room. Merlin's eyes saddened and darkened.

"Oh, yeah. I was up in the tower and, I was coming down the steps, I tripped." Merlin finished bluntly. Gwen couldn't help but wonder why he was even _in _the tower to begin with but didn't press the matter any further.

"Gaius just went to run some errands, he'll be back soon." Merlin merely shrugged. "How are you feeling?" Again, Merlin shrugged, a gesture to show he was so-so.

The usually chatty servants lack of prattle was unnerving Gwen, not to mention the way he had called her _Guinevere _when he had first woke up. Merlin never called he by her full name, just Gwen, only Arthur called her Guinevere. Also, when Merlin had spoken, it was short monotone remarks and his usually shining blue eyes seemed emotionless and to go further, a duller shade of blue than usual.

Gwen shrugged it off. _Merlin's probably just worn out, _she thought to herself, _you can't just expect him to be himself after what he's been through. _The maid went and began to prop Merlin up on his pillows as a way to distract herself from her thoughts. Suddenly, she remembered what had happened this morning, it was just the thing to make the warlock smile.

"Guess what?" She began, Merlin raised his head to listen. "I found Arthur sleeping outside the door this morning-" Gwen stopped short when she saw Merlin's expression harden and felt his body tense at the mention of the prince's name.

For a moment she was very confused and even more unnerved and was about to ask Merlin what was wrong when she heard the door to the physicians chambers being open and the elderly man walking in. Glad for the distraction from Merlin's odd behaviour, she quickly walked down from the room to inform Gaius that Merlin was awake.

...

Since Merlin had woken up Gwen hadn't stopped talking to him. Merlin hated it. He just wanted peace and quiet. She was asking him what had happened, almost like it wasn't obvious that he'd fallen down the stairs. _She always had been a stupid cow, _he thought to himself. She had been jabbering on telling him where Gaius was running errands, like the boy even cared, then she had the _nerve_ to talk about _Arthur._

Merlin clenched his fists into balls just thinking about that royal pain in the arse. It was _his_ fault Freya was dead. His fists grew tighter. Arthur didn't even care, he hadn't even come to visit him, not that he wanted to see his stuck up, noble face again. He had killed his first love and told him his own father, Balinor, wasn't worth his tears.

Once, he had been tricked into believing they had cared. Not anymore, he wasn't that naive any longer.

He was the great Emrys, hero of the druids, the ones the prophets spoke of, the one with the great destiny. Merlin snorted. _Well, _he thought to himself, _Screw destiny, screw them all. Each and every one of them. Gaius, Gwen, Arthur and especially Destiny. Go. To. Hell._

He tugged off the bandages that had been wrapped carefully round his head and arm before throwing them on the floor. _I don't need these anymore, _he thought to himself, _I don't need anyone's help anymore. _

His eyes flashed gold and the wounds glowed and tingled before completely vanishing. This new Merlin smirked and rose from the bed. _Who ever said I'm no good at healing spells._

He pulled on his tunic and breeches and a dark, unused cloak from the back of his wardrobe, choosing not to wear his beloved neckerchief. The neckerchief had been a present from his mother on his tenth birthday and since that day, he had never been without it or his alternative blue one.

However, _Emrys _had no room for sentiment. He was hardened, cold and powerful. Quietly, he left the room and entered the physicians chambers. Gaius was, as usual, snoring. "Old goat." Merlin whispered under his breath. He made for the door and closed it silently behind him before putting up his hood and walking into the eerie silence of the corridor.

The _real _Merlin however, was watching everything from his own eyes. It was like he was a prisoner, in his own mind watching as _he _walked into the courtyard and towards the gates to the citadel.

"Who goes there?" It was a guard, on night patrol. Merlin, to his horror, felt his body raise an arm and outstretch his fingers towards the man. Merlin, unable to do anything or take control of what was happening, just watched, helpless and powerless as he whispered a spell. Merlin noted the fear that filled the young man's eyes just before he sank to the ground, dead.

This couldn't be happening it just couldn't be happening. He had to get back, but how?

**A/N: Ohhhhhh, so Merlin's going all sinister. Sorry about the lack of updates but I was revising for exams and after they finished, to be brutally honest, I was uninspired to write anything for this so I started a new Freylin two-shot 'Undying Love' (please read if you love Freya/Merlin. You will hopefully enjoy it.**

**Please, please don't kill me for abandoning this story to satisfy my craving for Freylin and my stupid revision. It's here now, and that all that matter, right?**

**Anyways, you know the drill, hope you enjoyed this chapter and please, please review, it is like my drug *laughs manically *looks sheepish um... sorry about that but seriously, I have a total lack of reviews.**

**Mary xo :)**


	4. DON'T SKIP! IMPORTANT!

PLEASE READ: IMPORTANT!

Expect less updates for this story as I am now working on more permenant, time consuming project. Yes Freylin fans; A SEQUEL TO "UNDYING LOVE"! And, of course, finishing "Binds of Destiny". Also, me and my friend are working on something very, very time consuming.

I will update at any time I can but don't be expecting it to be regular (not that it has been already!) and expect long gaps in between. I also need some time to work out where I am going with this plot!

Sorry,

Mary ;)


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